you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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