I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
