Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
