Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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