Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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