people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
