haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
