My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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