what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
