You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
