Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize