I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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