I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize