Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
