oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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