I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
