they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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