she was so not down for the gang bang
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
