Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
