Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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