i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
