why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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