I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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