I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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