Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
