sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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