finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
