You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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