so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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