1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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