Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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