so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
