I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
