can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
