I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
