I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
foreskin is a definite game changer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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