im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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