On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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