Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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