you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
