it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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