remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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