eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
