I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
