I am spending my child support on dildos
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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