wrigley field is MILF paradise
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
