the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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