tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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