I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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