I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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