we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
