HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
