im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
