So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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