I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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