You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize