so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
