We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
