It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My penis needs a shock collar
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
