i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
