That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
