So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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