So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
