If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
