I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
