Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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