he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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